You Silly Wagner!
A rare Saturday treat for me the other evening. I got to sit and watch the Xfactor!
I witnessed the spat between Cheryl Cole and Wagner (if you don’t know who he is – simply imagine the progeny resulting from a sordid three-way encounter between Hulk Hogan, The Baldy Man and Florence Foster Jenkins).
That argument made me seethe with anger.
- Image by doyoubleedlikeme via Flickr
Look – I hope I don’t shatter any illusions here when I tell you it was contrived. The whole show is created to support a marketing machine for ITV and the record companies who promote the acts.
Conflict is an essential part of the mix, just as it is with any other soap opera.
TV, movies, theatre are all contrived – I know that. I work as an entertainer. We create illusions for people to buy into. It is part of the game. Yet the current state of TV leaves me feeling angry.
Why? Because it is so bloody obviously contrived. “Dumbing down” is far too weak an expression to use for it.
Our TV screens used to flicker with an exciting line-up of unforgettable moments. Most of which were unplanned, being born out of the naivety and inexperience of the producers.
We all know about Lulu the elephant crapping all over the Blue Peter studio and Richard Whitely having to forcibly prise open the jaws of a ferret who was fixed on his finger. Both classics – but I remember so many more.
Judith Hann – burning her hands whilst mixing a chemical compound on Tomorrows World.
Jan Leeming’s errant earring.
Bob Wellings and his infamous “European butter lake and wine mountain”.
The Brotherhood of Man getting stuck live on TOTP with Papa Louis.
Sue Lawley being attacked in the news studio by a group of lesbian protesters.
None of which were planned or contrived at all – (with the possible exception of the lesbians who obviously did have a plan!).
Nowadays when anything “unplanned” happens on TV it looks so obviously PLANNED.
Perhaps this is because the medium has come of age. The producers know how to control it and manage the risks. Add to this the higher stakes.
For ITV it is no longer simply about advertising revenue – it is about the numbers. The “list” to sell to.
For the BBC it is no longer merely about pleasing the licence holders and appeasing the Board of Governors. It’s the same for the Beeb as it is for ITV. Our Auntie may not be “commercial” but she behaves as if she were.
So what do we really lose… Does it matter the programmes are so tightly managed… Who cares if there is no real competition taking place..The important question being “Is modern TV entertaining?”
Let me think… Cheryl and Wagner acting out a pointless contrived spat with as much passion as I have for the alternative experience (which happened to be Anne Widdecombe’s knickers on the evening in question) – is that entertainment?
Don’t ask me to answer!
Marc
Is that you I see on the X Factor stage Babs?
Well said Marc!
I thought it was just me. We have an untold number of TVs in the house – I’d happily get rid of them all.
The worst for me is ‘reality TV’. Reality – who are they kidding?
So, if anyone wonders why I don’t get it when I’m on Twitter in the evening, it’s because I really haven”t seen much of the rubbish that’s being discussed.
OK, that’s me done.
Richard
I’m sick of having to explain that ‘reality TV’ is nothing like that. But the people it is aimed at are SO stupid, they don’t understand. Oh yes of course the judges are going to sit through 90,000+ X Factor auditions (let alone the BGT ones for those who are involved with both). And what a surprise, they just happen to have backstage footage of those who get through the audition. Well, duhhhhhh.
Ben Elton’s novels Chart Throb and Dead Famous are so closely allied to The X Factor and Big Brother (please RIP and never come back) that it is almost impossible to read them without mentally replacing the characters with the ones on our screens.
I rarely watch any of these programmes, though I’ll admit to sneaking a look on YouTube for memorable clips if enough people talk about something. It saves me from having to sit through the rest of the drivel.
Hi Marc
Excellent post which raises all sorts of questions for me. What’s happened to spontaneity? Why does everything have to be so manufactured to the point where reality has been replaced by contrived, fabricated nonsense? Why can’t we see people mess-up, do stupid things or allow for human foibles?
Life’s ‘real’ moments ARE infinitely more interesting and compelling to watch than television’s current offerings. Cynical? You bet! Disillusioned with the modern generation’s lust for crap TV? Yep… Like you Marc, I come from an era when television was more honest, unrehearsed. Even Blue Peter isn’t the same nowadays.
Everything today is governed by politics, risk assessments, etc. Consequently so much of TV is ‘forgettable.’ No wonder there are so many repeats of quality TV programmes on the box.
In fact, I was in a shop in Cranbrook the other day and overheard an old lady asking for four candles. (yes, really!) The shop fell about laughing, reminiscing about The Two Ronnies – and their daft ‘Fork handles’ sketch.
People identify with that kind of humour as it was based on ‘real’ people in ‘real’ situations. What’s sad is that today’s generation are bombarded with so much fabrication on TV and in magazines, that they can’t tell the difference between fiction and reality. So sad…